If I May

So about this college thing. Not so big a fan. Every day, I cross campus thinking, "Is this really what I want to do with my life? Computer engineering?" And the answer is, "Eh, it's about all I could come up with. Unless the Travel Channel decides they want to pay me to travel the globe, I'm fresh out of ideas for what I want to do."

Up above
Aliens hover
Making home movies
For the folks back home

Of all these weird creatures
Who lock up their spirits
Drill holes in themselves
And live for their secrets
-Radiohead, "Subterranean Homesick Alien"

So I tell myself to learn to love it. Cut my losses. Call it even. Move along. But the grossest part of it all is that it just seems so cold to me. There's just not a whole lot of beauty to writing code and drawing schematics. I mean, maybe for some people, but not for me. I'd change my major, but what to?

I guess I've got a little bit of time to think about it, maybe. Like an hour or so.

But the icing on this cake of depression is the fact that if my GPA drops below a 3.3 at any point, I lose the bulk of my scholarship money. So what then? If I don't ace Calculus, I drive back to Murray and stay there for a few years, facing puzzled stares and responding to the more-question-than-statement, "I thought you went to UK. . . "

That doesn't sound fun at all.

So yeah, that's where I'm at right now. Struggling to maintain a high-enough GPA in something that I halfway-enjoy, halfway-dislike so that I can keep my privilege of doing it again for another semester or six.

Maybe I'm just generally bummed. It is, after all, a Wednesday. Those two things tend to coincide. Good ol' CS lab.